Thursday, November 18, 2010

shameless solicitation for fatty love

I was inspired by this post about what FA is not and I wrote the followng comment on that blog.. I am posting my comment here because I could use some fatty love from the sphere.


While I agree with everything in this post, I am saddened and angered with the realization that most people refuse to even consider the validity of my FA/HAES beliefs.

I wish there was a non virtual "island of misfit toys" for my fellow fatties with health and mobility issues. The internet community of FA/HAES folks is wonderful and I appreciate all my friends and associates I connect with virtually. IRL, I am lonely.

I have very limited mobility and very limited pulmonary function. I am very fat. I deal with chronic pain and numbness from my shins to my toes that are consequences of emergency surgery three years ago which was unrelated to my weight. Walking is difficult. The thought of all the venomous stigma hurled at my beautiful fat body on a mobility scooter is frightening and I am not ready to confront those demons.

When folks who don't know me look at me, they think I ate myself into disability. They think I am deluded when I use the phase unrelated to my weight.

There is no-one in my family life, save for my brother, who does not constantly confront and blame me about not doing enough for my health. I do have to give credit to my mother for trying though.

And I am so very in sync with this post that I have found a little peace and happiness knowing that there is nothing wrong with my choices.

I know that trying to explain the logic of my choices (about food, health FA, HAES, etc) to most, especially family, is a waste of time and impossible. Some family members see me as a heroin addict on the street that needs an intervention. They refuse to have a civil conversation about my beliefs. They refuse to stop telling me why my thinking and beliefs are wrong. They cannot help themselves from trying to get me to see my fat, my choices, my beliefs are wrong, selfish and insist that I make some sort of commitment to action in line with their beliefs.

Sooooo I had to set boundaries with them. I told them for my mental health and peace of mind, I will no longer discuss these issues with them and I will not accept any comments from them on issues of health, weight, fitness, food.

I have had to choose between these beliefs and very valuable personal relationships. I let my sister go with love. I do not speak to a very close long time family friend anymore, I have a very shallow and arms length relationship with my father and step mother.

I am being true to myself and my beliefs by giving up these relationships. I miss my sister.

Sorry to drift a little here, but your post brought this stuff to the surface for me and I had to write.