Sunday, August 7, 2011

wow 6 months since my last post

Hello Fat-o-Sphere,

I really miss you guys and gals. I have been under water for quite a long time. The reality of it is that I am ashamed of myself.

It is hard to write this post. I want to explain all the facts of my medical stuff, my emotional stuff, my financial stuff et al.

Long story short is that there was a perfect storm of all sorts of stuff going bad in my life and I had no strength to do almost anything to deal.

So I sleep.

So I don't go out.

So I stop blogging.

and so on, and so on, and so on.

The few times I do talk to someone about what is going on with me, (mostly with my brother who is a prince with the way he does not judge me) I almost always come to the place where I think that losing some weight would bring so much relief to my problems.

Then I remember all I have learned and I realize that is not a viable option. Then I feel a little hopeless. Then I go to sleep.

It feels like I have become the cliche homebound obese man. Not the knock the wall down and use a crane to get me to the hospital fat. But the rarely go out kind.

The problems that I choose to not deal with aren't insurmountable. I just can't summon the will to do anything about them.

While I know I can start to address these issues without trying to loose weight, the weight does make it much harder to move and motivate.

I couldn't even get myself to Washington for the convention which was more about shame than physical ability.

Maybe I will get into details of health in some future posts and open myself up to the compassion of those here on the sphere that understand my stuff better than any others.

For now, I just want to check in and connect from my default lurking position.