Limbo

I am new to FA and I also am in that Limbo period of learning about FA and standing in my certainty of my own self acceptance. Having spent this past weekend at two conventions with more FA folks I came away with some new ideas about this limbo period.

FA is such a complete shift in my self perception, that just deciding to accept myself as a fat man is not going to happen. I need to investigate, understand all the implications, check out the opposing viewpoints, cross reference every blog and medical study, speak with my therapist, navigate through my family's reaction to my FA and that's just off the top of my head.

To top that off, I can find, see, blog with, and meet many many awesome women living their life in FA but, even at a convention for FA, I could only find three other FAT guys in who were living in FA. (sorry to wine about that, not very manly, huh??)

One of the fat guys at the convention really had his head together and I think I may have found a mentor and role model. I am happy for that.

In talking to him and with his help, I came to see that at some point, the analysis and trying to find logical justification for being okay with being a FAT MAN holds me back from being okay with being a FAT MAN.

I agree that that analysis has to be tabled and there has to be some fake it till you make it in the process.

At some point I just need to own that my own sense of self worth needs to come from within and I must disregard all the opposition to my FA whether it be from my family, my media, or (and this is the toughest one) that inner voice that is actually a representation of all those outer forces.

I have to stop trying to get to "living in FA is right or wrong based on this or that" and stand in the truth that Living in FA is my best chance at a life of happiness and fulfillment.

I'd rather be happy and wrong (in others eyes) than miserable and in sync what those outside of myself believe and perceive.