Thursday, January 13, 2011


I consider myself a pretty smart guy. My blog is more of a “this is my experience as I navigate fat acceptance, and a sort of journal/diary.

Over the last two years as I've kept up with the fat acceptance blogs on the feeds, I have been intimidated often. The quality of the writing, the intellectual level of discussion, the academic atmosphere of many of the blogs, are both impressive and intimidating.

While I consider myself very smart, I've always struggled with school and deadlines and time management. On top of that I find reading very difficult. The part about reading I find very difficult is that I have such a short attention span that I can actually be two or three pages into something having actually read the words and have absolutely no idea what was said in the last two pages and have to go back and reread. I don't think I'm dyslexic. But I know that I am nowhere in any way close to the level of intellectual horsepower of many people who blog regularly here on the feed.

I fantasize sometimes about getting involved in school again. I've tried to go back to times since I dropped out back in 1986. Each time was the same thing, flameout before the end of the semester. Whether it was a psychology class or a writing class… to a simple photography class, every time was the same result I just didn't finish.

I have something called amblyopia which I've been told is also called lazy eye. From kindergarten into second or third grade they put a patch on my good eye to force me to use my weaker eye. I've always had a hunch that some how my brain wiring… when it comes to reading and writing was skewed in some way that has something to do with the vision in my right eye being impaired and wearing a patch over my good eye during kindergarten and first grade in a little bit of second grade.

I know that when I write from the heart and just talk about what's going on for me and not worry about how it sounds that I connect with lots of people in the feed. I think that simply because the experiences that I talk about are so universal within fat acceptance that people can identify. And I know when I connect with someone else that gets me I feel good.

I'm very grateful to all the amazing really and people who inspire, impress, and intimidate me with their talents when it comes to writing. However I also worry about how my poor grammar and writing skills reflect on me.

I'm also grateful when I can just accept that it's okay for me to be the writer/blogger that I am and not do the compare and despair dance.

I've been inside the house today and yesterday due to weather. I've gotten my exercise in using the dance program on the Wii from a sitting position. My heart rate and my breathing rate gets elevated and I totally feel it in my shoulders. And it's actually more fun than walking although I think that I'm doing more core strength building walking than sitting doing this dance program so when the weather allows, back to the walking.


  1. Have you ever been evaluated for ADHD? Exercise will help you focus, definitely. Also make sure you get adequate sleep. My ADD is always worse if I haven't had enough sleep. Theres's also medication if you want to go that route. :-) I don't doubt for a minute that you're smart. --CTJen

  2. I think your writing's good and I enjoy reading your blog.

    Also, I've struggled with some of the same attention problems you have. Somehow I've made it through university and have done pretty well in my career, but I'm constantly having to compensate for my spotty concentration (I'm either focused like a laser beam or completely useless) and my procrastination. I've learned to take action even when I'm not confident and play priorities against each other to get work done. Sometimes I get frustrated that everything is so hard for me when most people seem to function seamlessly without constantly having to fight themselves.

  3. I value what you say. Just speak from the heart, like you said. That's what really matters. There's certainly a place for erudite intellectual discussions, but there's plenty of place for just whatever's on your mind.

    You might also want to check out something called "functional optometry." It has special tests that most optometrists don't always do, and special vision therapy that has been remarkably successful for a number of people I know, adults and kids. If you have learning issues and you've had vision issues, I think it's worth checking out more when insurance/finances allow.

    In the meantime, keep posting! We enjoy hearing from you.

  4. I'm a high school drop out and I have struggled still do from time to time) greatly with feeling worthy of blogging in the name of FA. But a friend explained that I (you) have a unique voice and sharing it will help others and my/yourself. So rock on!

  5. GAAAHH! Know that you are not alone in the Dept. of The Completely Intimidated. There are times, usually when I'm dealing with my own insecurities, when I find myself questioning. ARE fat people different? Less physical and more inclined towards the intellectual? Smarter? There's a lot of well-written evidence of it floating around the 'sphere. But if that's the case than what's wrong with me? Daunting.

    Sometimes I get my head back on straight a day or two later. Sometimes it takes a little longer. Usually around the time I figure I've got something relevant to say that hasn't already been said (much better) elsewhere. But, so far, I always manage to come back for more
    Stubborn maybe or maybe I just figure this is important enough to keep coming back and to keep talking. Either way it is. Important enough. Keep at it